Jenelle Evans: I Could Go Paralyzed Any Day Now, I’m a Ticking Time Bomb!
Do you enjoy talking trash about Jenelle Evans but have been getting a little tired of everything being about her OnlyFans debacle for the past few weeks?
Then boy, do we have a treat for you!
Yep, instead of discussing her move towards producing adult content and all the ins and outs of that, we’re going to be moving back to discussing her never-ending health issues.
This was what she was focused on for a while, but last month she said that she was putting her health issues “on hold” until June — yes, she actually said that — and now here we are.
Before she put her declining health on hold so that she could fly to Florida for Briana DeJesus’ party and tease nip slips on OnlyFans, things were getting pretty dire.
She’d been complaining for months of debilitating pain caused by cysts in her spine, and she’s said time and time again that she could become paralyzed because of those cysts.
In March, she made a statement to say that she’d finally gotten a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, but that wasn’t good enough for her, and soon after she was back on the hunt to find out what truly ails her.
She’s theorized that she could have very serious diseases like MS or myasthenia gravis, and she even expressed concern that she has ALS.
She also visited her local emergency room in March, complaining of chest pains and difficulty breathing.
Things were a bit quieter after that, possibly because she switched from guzzling beer to guzzling wine, which could have cleared up some symptoms.
But, like she said, this month is when she’s resuming her health problems, and she’s kicking that off with this weird little TikTok she made this weekend.
First she made a video of herself dancing outside — you know the type of video we’re talking about — and someone commented with “Weren’t you basically paralyzed a few months ago? It’s a miracle you’ve recovered.”
The video we’re going to be talking about is a response to that sassy little comment.
“I swear, y’all listen to nothing I say,” Jenelle began. “You can’t just recover from a cyst in your spine.”
Ugh, here we go.
“Instead of being so rude, be like ‘Hey, what’s been happening with your health issues lately?'” she suggested.
Instead of taking a moment to acknowledge how goofy it was that she of all people felt comfortable giving advice on how to not be rude, she just went on with the update.
“I still have a cyst in my spine,” she said. “I actually have to go get an MRI checkup to see how long it’s gotten. Once you have a cyst in your spine, it can get bigger, longer, and can paralyze you.”
“I said I have the possibility of going paralyzed, and I still do, any day now. If I go paralyzed or lose any bowel movements without trying, I have to go immediately to the hospital and get emergency surgery.”
OK, first, loving the “going paralyzed” phrasing, let’s make that a thing.
Second, also loving the idea of losing bowel movements without trying, glad she can continue to lose them on purpose with no concern.
Additionally, we’re not doctors by any means, but we feel like if anyone becomes paralyzed — sorry, goes paralyzed — then it would probably be a good idea to take a trip to the hospital regardless of any cysts, right?
“So yeah,” Jenelle continued, “I’m like a ticking time bomb over here, waiting to give up, I guess you could say.”
She said that next week she has an appointment with her doctor and will get genetic testing as well as more blood tests so that they can figure out what’s wrong with her, but that they’re thinking it’s some autoimmune disease.
In the comments, someone asked if there was anything that could be done for her now, and she replied “No, just wait until you go paralyzed then they will do something.”
A few people said that they also have cysts in their spines but that paralysis isn’t a major concern, and to that she said “Mine is growing 1mm per month but hopefully it won’t get any wider.”
Some people think that every single bit of this is fake, but let’s say that she does actually have a cyst in her spine, all right?
Would her doctor really tell her that she could “go paralyzed any day now” but that there’s nothing they can do until it happens? That sounds weird, doesn’t it?
A quick google shows that paralysis developing from a spinal cysts is extremely rare, and because they rarely cause such debilitating symptoms and the spine is such a dangerous place to operate, doctors usually treat the symptoms instead of trying to get rid of the cyst altogether.
So it kind of seems like Jenelle did some googling of her own, saw that paralysis is a possibility and is just running with it.
Whatever is going on, we hope that she gets some help for it — even if she’s just fibbing about everything, that’s still not healthy.
Do you think she’s really at risk of becoming paralyzed?
